Mixed week

Ok, so I started strong and have kind of limped through the end of the week. But I'm not declaring failure just yet. Here's the log so far:
Mon: Fit workout - 20 minutes a
Tues: Walked to the bus a

Wed: nada. missed the morning, and refilling prescription/cleaning up after dogs made it too late (and I was exhausted...)r
Thurs: Walked to the busa
Fri: Missed the morning, hoping to make it to the Fit when I get home.

I think I want to go back to my 'tip jar' idea. Two jars - one gets $1 every day I workout, and one gets $1 for every day I don't. I get to spend the money in the workout jar and have to donate the other jar to charity. And if they're on the counter, in view of Hubby - maybe that will help motivate me.

I think that's part of my problem -- I have no one to be accountable to, no one to exercise with. That suits my personality fine, but obviously not getting me moving.

I'm also getting tired of how much time I waste thinking about things and not doing anything. Like now - I've been working on this for 20 minutes, time I could be walking, but should really be working... I'm getting very frustrated with myself lately - I used to be so much more productive all around.

Sigh...

Didn't get up again this morning due to late night. But Hubby's working late tonight, so I'm planning to get on the Fit this evening for a Yoga session. Will update later.

Momentum!

Yay! I walked to the bus this afternoon after an unsuccessful morning. So good since I really didn't want to write another "fallen off the wagon" post. I just couldn't get up this morning even after my phone alarm went off.

I was thinking that this might actually be the best rhythm for me: Wii M-W-F and walking T & Th. Makes sure to get my cardio in proper and gives me plenty of time on the Wii. We shall see. For now I'm going to say as long as I get five workouts in a week I'm good. Yay!

Victory!

Ok, maybe it's a bit early for that, but I did it! I got up at 5 a.m. this morning, got on the Fit, even though I really just wanted to sleep more. And I did the entire strength training circuit in 30 minutes - worked out to about 20 minutes of actual exercise time. Perfect!

So what finally motivated me? I'm not entirely sure. I set my alarms, including the one downstairs. I left my sport bra on my dresser, so all I had to do was grab it as I was heading down stairs and throw it on while the Wii was loading. I realized the coffee maker is another alarm- a 5 minute warning to finish up and get in the shower.

But I think it was Hubby that really pushed me - both good and bad. Good: I had a great weekend with him, feeling confident and beautiful, and we started planning a trip to Las Vegas - about a month away, and I'd like to be even more fit by the time we get there. Bad: watching this crappy dating in the dark show and listening to the BS from the guys on the show. Hubby was joking about how a size 4 is "just fat enough," which I told him means that I'm twice "just fat enough." I'm not even really sure what that means, but it's a pretty sucky thing for him to say.

Granted he didn't direct this at me specifically, and I know he thinks I'm immune to all this body and fat talk, but I'm really not. I'm trying to focus on my own feelings about my body - getting to a point where I feel healthy and beautiful, rather than aiming for a number or size. And listening to him say shit like that really does not help me. In fact after that conversation I snuck a half a cookie, then had another half when Hubby got back downstairs. I really don't want to be sneaking food, thinking he wants me to be a waif who never eats. Not to mention the hypocracy there.

Anyway, let's just count this as a step in the right direction, albeit a month late. Here's hoping tomorrow goes as planned.

I recognize that tree...

Yes, once again, I didn't get up in time to exercise. In fact I barely got up in time to catch my bus at all this morning. I've been here before, but I think it's now time to re-evaluate the plan. I just doesn't seem to be working and I'm not sure why. Do I want to get healthy? Yes. Does the idea of working out every morning seem unreasonable? Not really. So what's stopping me?

Fitness/weight loss sites say it will happen when you're ready for it to happen. Maybe that's part of it -- that I'm not fed up enough with where I am now to really move forward. It's possible, but I just spent a week and a half polishing off birthday cupcakes, followed by more bad eating and have been feeling really fat for the last week. It's been helping me keep food in check (which I've been good about for the last several days), but hasn't gotten me off my ass to exercise.

I did sign up for the Bootcamp class, so if all else fails, they'll whip me into shape. Maybe that's the push I'm looking for. I would still like to be able to do a full push up before I get to the class, though.

So my year of today's is looking more like a year of bad days. The question is do I scrap the project or persevere? Is the wall I'm banging my head against starting to crack, or am I just getting a big headache for nothing? I don't want to keep posting poor results -- that won't encourage me to improve -- but don't want to jump ship too early either.

How about this: I'm on late shift next week. I will give it one more week. If I can't get my act together with an extra hour and half in the mornings, then it's not likely going to happen. In which case I will have to rethink my strategy.

Reset

So, I'm having trouble getting to the fresh start I wanted. I'm still sleeping late, getting zero exercise. I have done the occassional Wii Fit routine, but not nearly often enough to count. Yes, there have been a lot of schedule upheavals lately. I still need to find a way to motivate myself to get up. I'm starting again this week, although I didn't exercise this morning. Hubby is working early all week, which usually helps me get out of bed earlier (so we're not fighting over the bathroom). I'll set the alarm downstairs again, and shoot for 30 real minutes of Fit exercises. If this doesn't work, I'm going to have to come up with a new plan. I'm also going to sign up for that Bootcamp republic class I have a credit for. The threat of that hanging over my head may help me get into shape. I don't want to show up for that class a total weakling! And back to food journaling. It's been a while since I tracked stuff. Rewards are still the same -- an iTunes album if I make it through the week, new workout clothes for next week.

...I did it again

So last week didn't go well. At all. I didn't exercise on the Fit a single day. I pigged out on birthday cake, hot dogs and beers. I couldn't even get out of bed early this morning, even though I got up to turn the alarm off downstairs.

There were a lot of contributing factors: late nights, a construction crew at the house before I had proper clothes on. The holiday, my birthday, the emotional rollercoaster that was my birthday and the rest of the weekend. Yeah, that was fun (but I managed to make a strong case to Hubby without a screaming match, so I'll start there). On the positive side, even though I didn't get on the Fit, I spent all day Thursday on my feet, preparing my birthday BBQ (don't get me started), so that's good exercise. Friday I walked around the ballpark at least twice, and Saturday was a whirlwind of chores -- mowing the lawn, clearing brush, laundry, cleaning the house, etc. Definitely better than lounging around all weekend.

But that still puts me back to square one. So this is the new Week 1. And I will stay on Week 1 until I finally achieve it. For today, I'll have to figure out how to get my exercise in. Maybe I'll just be straight with Hubby when I get home. And later this week I'm heading out of town with Mom, so I'll have to find a way to get my exercise in then. She likes to walk, so shouldn't be too hard to convince her.

Day 2: Successes and failures

Well, once again, went to bed too late and didn't get up early enough to get on the Fit. Dinner with Mom & Sis went later than planned, Hubby was asleep and on my side of the bed by the time I got home. All not conducive to abiding by alarm clocks, etc.

But, yesterday was a success, overall. Calories were in check, though I really need to cut out the chocolate chip habit. Seriously, half the fat grams I'm consuming are coming from that. Hopefully the ice pops will give me a better dessert option and I can save chocolate for special treats.

As for exercise, I walked down to dinner, about a mile, in 20 minutes, so I'm substituting that for the Fit workout. I still want to get back to that, but exercise is exercise. Maybe I'll walk to the bus after work to make up for missing this morning. That's 2 miles. Depending on Hubby's schedule, I could do the Fit when I get home, too.

False start...

Oops. After all that planning I wasn't able to get myself out of bed this morning to workout. It didn't help that I was up later than usual because of the town fireworks show. Normally I would have skipped it, but it was important to Hubby, who was working on the show and concert, that I go -- and I'm glad I did, not only for him. It was a good show and a nice night. Too bad it took 45 minutes to get home, a trip that normally takes 10 minutes...

And I'm meeting Mom and Sis for dinner tonight, so I won't be able to workout when I get home. To make up for this I'm planning to walk as much as I can this afternoon when I go to meet them. Even if I walk to Grand Central to get the subway, instead of getting on closer and transferring, it's better than nothing.

At least I'm behaving calorie-wise. Breakfast was greek yogurt, strawberries and granola. Yum!

Here we go

The new project starts tomorrow. Here are my plans for the first month, all about health and wellness.

Week 1: Focus on getting up early enough to get 30 minutes of Wii Fit time in before heading to work. If I'm late, so be it. This is my priority. It's a short week, so I'll have more time Thursday and Friday, which should help me get through the week. Also, I have to hit my calorie targets and track my food everyday.

Reward: iTunes album

Week 2: Keep going with exercise and calorie tracking. The idea is to make it a habit. Also, add in a daily vitamin AND my iron pills. I have a feeling I will need the energy. Take 1 iron pill with breakfast, the vitamin with lunch, and the last iron pill with dinner. Taking something with every meal will help make it automatic.

Reward: New workout clothes

Week 3: Maintain workouts, calorie counts, vitamins. Add in flossing daily.

Reward: New PJs

Week 4: Maintain everything. I may add something else to this week later, but it may be best to give myself a week of just maintaining before I switch it up. Also can use that break to focus on next month's goals.

Reward: If I make it through the entire month working out daily and I drop at least 5 pounds, I get a spa treatment! So exciting!

In the beginning

-- Tomorrow doesn't exist. Only today.

-- Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

-- Today is the greatest.

Thus begins my year of doing. Of exploring. Of trying and learning new things and reconnecting with some old hobbies. See, my 30th birthday is next week, and I feel like I'm finally coming out from under this cloud that's been following me around. For months I've been in a funk -- out of it at work, antisocial, lazy and just generally apathetic. Maybe it's midlife crisis, a little early. Maybe it's the lousy weather we've had this year. Maybe it's something else entirely, but I feel more positive than I have in a long while and I'm celebrating that and my birthday with a year long challenge: do what you haven't done before.

The driving question for me is this: what do I want my life to look like a year from now? A lot won't be changing. I love my husband and the life we've built for each other. I'm happy with my job, although I think I could be doing more with it. What will be changing? My health needs to be a bigger priority. I want to have more fun with my friends rather than crashing on the couch. I want to learn more and be a better conversationalist. I want to cook more and learn how to sharpen my knives. I want to refine my sense of style and finish those lingering house projects. Don't get me wrong, this isn't about becoming someone else. It's about becoming a better, more active me.

I'm still figuring out how to tackle all this, and what specific things I want to go after. But my goal is to have monthly themes, weekly challenges -- I've already got the first month planned around fitness. In a nutshell: Watch calories, exercise daily. As that becomes more routine, I'll incorporate some other health ideas -- like womanning up and taking my vitamin every day (yeah, some of this stuff may seem mind-numbingly simple, but not for me!). I want to wear a skirt everyday, rather than watching them all become moth food in my closet.

Most of all I want to be accountable to myself and others again. I became so apathetic I convinced myself it didn't even matter what I think of myself. And I want to be confident in myself -- strengths, talents, flaws, facets and all.